Taking their cue from The District website's coverage of high school football, local educators today declared that high school athletics would henceforth be considered performance art.
"We zeroed out our athletics budgets and increased our expenditures on the arts by about a kazillion percent," said Bud "Bud" Jockstrap, Moore League Fine Arts Director. "Let's hear those whiny parents of uncoordinated kids complain about THAT!"
Jockstrap also said it was about time that high school dancers, musicians, ceramicists, photographers and painters recognized the superior artistry of the popular games of physical skill played by their schoolmates.
"Kids who want to create compelling portraiture or who aspire to play challenging Coltranesque solos in the jazz band are finally taking a back seat to the athletes," Jockstrap said. "The District got it right, and I hope our young people are listening: unless you're a boy exposing yourself to high risk of orthopedic and spinal injury as a member of a highly regimented team playing a violent game at the sub-sub-professional level, who cares?"
Local readers seconded Jockstrap's praise for The District's adventurous news coverage.
"That horendous Long Beach daily was where I used to find run-of-the-mill, insipid and soporific high school sports reporting--but not any more," said Myrtle Glunder, high school fine arts booster. "Now I can click on The District's website and save on the price of a newspaper subscription -- and still get all the dispensable news content I crave!"
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"We zeroed out our athletics budgets and increased our expenditures on the arts by about a kazillion percent," said Bud "Bud" Jockstrap, Moore League Fine Arts Director. "Let's hear those whiny parents of uncoordinated kids complain about THAT!"
Jockstrap also said it was about time that high school dancers, musicians, ceramicists, photographers and painters recognized the superior artistry of the popular games of physical skill played by their schoolmates.
"Kids who want to create compelling portraiture or who aspire to play challenging Coltranesque solos in the jazz band are finally taking a back seat to the athletes," Jockstrap said. "The District got it right, and I hope our young people are listening: unless you're a boy exposing yourself to high risk of orthopedic and spinal injury as a member of a highly regimented team playing a violent game at the sub-sub-professional level, who cares?"
Local readers seconded Jockstrap's praise for The District's adventurous news coverage.
"That horendous Long Beach daily was where I used to find run-of-the-mill, insipid and soporific high school sports reporting--but not any more," said Myrtle Glunder, high school fine arts booster. "Now I can click on The District's website and save on the price of a newspaper subscription -- and still get all the dispensable news content I crave!"